Jeremy

You told me one of the reasons you loved to talk to me, that you thought you were falling in love with me, was because you had not felt depressed, not a moment since you started talking to me. It has started to get harder for you to talk. I have noticed it. I know that it is hard, that this is scary, and that the old sad feelings are coming back. That is how it is. I can shake you out of it for a time, show you the light, help you come up for air. But I cannot change you, or undo what has been done to you, or make your life any differnt.

All I can do is be here, friendly text on the monitor, a concerned voice on the phone, someone who cares and worries about you. That is all I can be. I would be warm arms, soft lips, and anything else you could ask of me, but the space, the distance between us in years and miles is so great. I often wonder which is the bigger issue. I wish that I could do more for you, that I could negate all the things in our way. If there was some way for me to let you know that I care, that I honestly care, and not just to tell you, or show you, but to have you know that it is an undenible truth, I would do anything to make it happen.

You are so important to me, so dear and treasured. I dare not push. Someone has to love you enough, understand you enough, to respect your space. So even though I want to force you to talk, to share, I will sit here and type where I know you will never see it. I love you, weather as a friend or other wise, I love you. You are worthy of love. You have every right to feel everything that you feel, and no need to apologize for any of it.

I often feel as though I am failing you. That there is something, or many somethings that I should be doing to reach out to you, to give you some of the strength you need. But I cannot seem to find it, cannot figure it out. I hope that simply in being your friend, in being available to you for anything, day or night, that I help in some way. You are so precious to me.