Jeremy

Why does it have to be so Goddamned hard? I am doing my best not to tease Jeremy over much, but there is that part of me that is a flirt, and that take a great deal of joy in listening to him fight with his desire. I want him to want me, I want it so badly I can taste it.

I spend a fair ammount of time fantizing about what it would be like to pick him up at the airport, which assumes that he would be coming to visit me at some point. I play it through a million differnt ways in my mind every day. I am so hopless.

Last night I showed Jeremy my power outfit. I had dressed up due to the fact that I was going to see Tim to get Erin's DDR pads back. So I put my web cam on and did a turn around and showed Jeremy that one could see the top of my thie highs through the torn wholes in my sexy jeans. Later on I teasingly commmented that I had gotten out of the jeans and was lounging in my undies, shirt and thie highs. This got him wimpering a bit, reminding me that he wanted pictures of me. I really wanted to take one for him, nearly did. But we are doing this friend thing.

Today it got brought up after he and I had been talking for a while. See I had left a certain video open on my computer and squeeled and laughted at myself about it. Jeremy could not let it go, he wanted to know what I was talking about. I finally confessed that I like to listen to him moaning my name, that I had been doing it earlyer that day, and well that got things headed in the wrong direction. I could tell by the tone, the timber of his voice that he was touching himself. He was begging me to make him another video of myself, one of myself in thie highs for him. I want to. I nearly gave into having phone sex with him. I went out to grab my vibe and webcam, but when I came back to the room I told him I had to go and turned of voice chat.

I scream sobbed into my pillow for a few minuets, it is really hard for me to turn him away. I want Jeremy so bad. But I need to respect the boundries he and I HAVE to have at this point. He knows it too. Once he was alone with himself and had sated his passions he came back to himself and knew that I had done the right thing. I am glad he finished because I am weak, and if he had moaned at me again I would have caved. He admited to me that he looks at the picturse and the videos I have sent him still. And it makes me feel warm and hot and needed. I want him.

I really do think god is laughing at me.