Tim

I went over to Tim's. It was fun, a bit relaxing. There is some tension there, most likely of my own making, but still it was nice. I can see what Erin so enjoyed about him, but I do not find myself caught up in him. I am not enchanted by him, cannot see myself desireing him in any way. I am lonely and long to be wanted and touched. It was nice to let him put his arm around me, but I felt no drive to take anything else, no excitement, only a slight worry that I might have to slap him for touching my breast. But he proved to be a gentleman, so there was no issue.

His friend Sierra came over. She seems nice enough, but I can tell that she is a bit of a drama whore. She is much freer with her sexuality then I am, and that is saying something. I was propositioned by her, and Tim confirmed in the car that she is attracted to me. I am flattered but she is not my sort of woman. I am drawn to innocence and this girl is most asuredly not that. It was nice to have someone be so instantly taken with me though, but still I can see the gleam of her claws, and the edge of her maturity. I would not mind being friends with her, but I would never hold her close to my heart, of that I am certain.

I was not attracted to Tim when he was dating Erin, I was not attracted to him when I was pissed at him, and I do not believe that I am attracted to him now. I feel no spark, no drive, no excitement. He is a nice person, and has a calming soothing air to him, I would like to hang out with him more, but I cannot ever see myself wanting more then that for so many reasons. He and Erin have a history, and I will always chose my sister. Also it is very likely that if Sierra wanted him he would go to her even if he and I were dating, and I am not alright with that thought. I have low self esteme and would never be able to reconcile that. And he is not a virgin, srsly.