Once again with feeling

So I've weeded it down to one for the moment. Jim has not shown me that he really want to pursue me. Maybe he is interested, but I've seen him put out hundreds of times more effort on a woman than what he is doing for me. So for now I write it off and go back to thinking of him only as a dear friend. And really whats wrong with that?

Justin still has not spoken to me. And while I long for that connection I'm finding it easier and easier to live without. It hurts though. One does not want to admit that they've made a mistake, that they chose wrong. And it is hard to admit that what one thought was love, freely given and freely revived, was really just a very wonderful imitation. I'm glad that I learned something, glad that I was treated so wonderfully, and adored so completely, if only for a few weeks. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I still have to sing myself sad songs. I know that I'm not really over it. But I can see getting there, no matter how little I like it.

James. Oh goodness. I think that I do in fact have romantic feelings for him. He is a dear, funny, sweet, thoughtful, and passionate man. I'm impressed by him, but not in awe. Likely that is a good sign. He has dark hair and, what I can see in the pictures, it looks like lovely blue eyes. His last name is funny, Greek, which suits him. He seems to have a very similar sense of humor to me, likes many of the same shows.

He seems excited to meet me, but does not seem to be in a rush. Friday looks to be a very fun day. I'm really rather excited about it. Sushi and bowling. Maybe he'll hold my hand, or put his arm around me. I hope that I don't do something stupid like kiss him. I want to take this slow, I want to do this right.

I've made a bit of a joke out of it. I call the things that we aren't talking about 'The Elephant in the room'. We both know that we'd like this to turn into romance, we are calling Friday a date, but we are not 'dating', and we are both trying to keep the flirting down, and to keep away from speaking about things that would lead us into more intimate grounds, for now. It will be two and a half weeks that we've been talking when we meet. I'm hoping not to have to deal with the 'Elephant' tell the end of next month.

I'm serious about it this time. If I have to not talk to him for a few days, if I have to get angry and put my foot down, I will. I'm not going to allow myself to be charmed again. Justin should have respected what I said, and I should have respected myself enough to mean what I said, to not change my mind so easily. James is a very fun person, he seems absolutely wonderful and sweet. I do not want to screw this up by rushing it. I want him as my friend, and then we'll see about something more.

I've also settled on a nick name for him. Seems he is not overly found of Jim. And that is fine with me as that is what I call the other James, what I call Jimbo. So I'm going to call this James Jamie. I rather like the name, and I think I'm the only one to call him that way. I hope that it does not end up getting on his nerves.

As far as Kris goes. . . . that should be an entry unto itself, maybe tomorrow.